How to be a Mortal for Dummies
by xxxFallenAvengerxxx
Summary: The Greek God of War, Ares, becomes infatuated with a mortal girl and asks her to teach him how to be a normal, mortal college guy. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Lately, Mount Olympus has been very uneventful

Since no problems or arguments have come up recently, God of War, Ares, has been extremely bored.

Most of the days, he just sits around under the shade and scowls into the distance.

_I suppose I could start an argument or war between mortals, _he thought.

He decided that would be sufficient enough, but when he reached the pool of water, he saw Apollo looking distractedly down into it.

Sneaking up behind him, Ares looked over his shoulder, curiosity getting the best of him.

He was startled to see that Apollo was looking at a girl, a very pretty girl to say the least, who was sitting in a room reading.

Apollo finally seemed to notice Ares and jumped around, startled.

"What are you doing, Apollo?"

"I was simply watching this mortal girl, very exceptional if you ask me." Apollo had a smug smirk on his face.

Ares narrowed his eyes at Apollo and looked down at the girl again.

"So you're watching the mortal, too?"

He looked up when he heard the familiar voice, and saw Athena standing where Apollo just was standing.

"Too?"

"Yes, many others have found her very intriguing. I even think she is very interesting, also. Very accomplished from what I heard."

Ares looked down at the girl again.

He took in her appearance, her dark brown hair that came down to just above her shoulders, her beautiful green eyes, her athletic physique, and her soft, pale skin.

He had to admit, she was very beautiful.

She looked around his age, probably in college by the looks of it.

Finally he tore his eyes away fom the girl and walked to his room.

When he walked in, he collapsed on his bed, ignoring the pain that hit his hip when his metal breast plate hit it.

He thought of the strange girl until he finally found sleep.

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><p>The next morning, Ares woke up with an idea that thoroughly satisfied him to fill his boredom.<p>

After he found Zeus, Ares told him about his plan.

"I really don't think that's a good idea, Ares"

"Well, I'm still going to do it. I'm going to go crazy from boredom soon, so why not fill my time."

Zeus didn't protest again, but he didn't look to pleased about Ares leaving.

Ares looked down at the girl in the pool of water, and went to pay a little visit to her.

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><p><strong>AN: So how was it? THis is my first fanfic, so I'm all ears for improvments that need to be made.**

**-xxxFallenAvengerxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Melissa "Missy" Hawkins seemed perfect.

She had the best grades, very polite, and quite athletic.

She could be very funny and cheerful, but only when she was around family.

Missy didn't have many "good" friends.

She never really took the time to get to know anyone because she didn't want to get distracted from her school work and sports.

It was very surprising because a lot of people liked her but she only kept a few people as "good" friends, and they were guys from her hockey team.

But of course, there were always the select few who didn't like her.

Sabrina Bailey and her little posse of girls trailing behind her would always criticize and make fun of Missy.

They made fun of her clothes, her name, and they always asked why she never had a boyfriend.

If Missy had the time, she probably would get a boyfriend, since almost every guy in college liked her.

But right now, in Missy's point of view, she was simply not perfect.

She was running down the path to get to the next building for her next class.

She had slept in late from studying from the night before and now she was late for her biology class.

Missy was never, EVER, late for a class, especially in the beginning of the year.

She looked down at her watch to see how late she was, but ran full speed into something metal.

She fell on her butt on the concrete, while dropping all her books from her arms.

She scrambled to pick up all her books, and while she looked up she saw a rather large pair of feet in… leather sandals?

Standing in front of her was a tall, muscular man who looked as if he was a sophomore in college, just like her, and with short, wavy black hair.

She had to admit that he was very handsome but what confused her was what he was wearing.

He had on what seemed to be Greek battle armor, which consisted of a bronze breast plate, a white and scratchy tunic underneath, a golden sword, all topped off with a bronze metal helmet with a black plume on top.

Melissa never got angry, even when something like this happens, but, to her surprise, she was getting more annoyed by the second.

"Get up." He commanded in what seemed to be a British accent.

She scramble to her feet and realized that she still had to crane her neck just to see his face.

She moved to go around the man, but he sidestepped and blocked her way.

She got even more annoyed when he sidestepped her again.

She was about to tell him off when he grabbed her arm and started walking to her dorm building.

She was surprised when she realized his grip was surprisingly gentle but he still was walking in long, fast strides that she had to practically run to keep up with him.

They walked up the two flights of stairs –with him still gripping Missy's arm- and he stopped in front of her door and walked right in.

_I thought I locked the door… _Bird thought.

She had a million questions that she wanted to ask, and the most stupid one came out first.

" How did you know this was my door?"

The man just let go of her and shut the door.

He looked around for a few seconds until he focused his cold gaze on her.

"I have a bargain for you."

"What?"

"I said, I have a bargain for you."

"I don't even know who you are!"

"I'm Ares, Greek God of War."

Missy just looked at him, when she saw the seriousness in his face, she fell on the ground laughing.

He just looked down at her with an expression of cold disdain. "Was I being funny?"

After Missy caught her breath, she looked up at him and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, but Greece is on the other side of the world."

"Do you not believe that I am an all powerful God?"

"No, I don't."

"Well, I am."

"Prove it."

He looked at her with amusement and snapped his fingers and her bed caught on fire.

Missy let out a little yelp and started to back up against the door.

Ares walked over to the bed and sat down on it and stretched his long, muscular legs.

Missy was too shocked to scream when he didn't burn up into flames.

"I told you." He said with a little smirk on his face.

"I still don't believe you," Bird said in a shaky voice.

"Tsk-Tsk, not a wise choice."

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm telling the truth."

Missy just didn't feel like arguing because she wanted her bed to be extinguished of flames.

"If you're Ares, then please, extinguish my bed."

"As you wish."

Ares stood up and walked toward her and snapped his fingers and the bed was doused of flames and , not to Missy's surprise, it was unharmed.

"Fine , I'll believe you. Now, what in the name of Hell did you want?"

"I have a bargain for you."

"And what is that?"

"I will give you one wish, if you teach me how to be like other mortals.

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><p><strong>AN: Ohhhhh cliffhanger!**

** R&R please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Ok so let me get this straight, you want me to teach you how to be a mortal and I will get one wish in return?" asked Missy cautiously.

Ares just nodded in amusement. "Yes, that was my proposition." Missy just stared at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"I don't kid," he said.

"No, of course you don't," she said mostly to herself. Why did he come to her out of all the outgoing people? Was she special in some way? Or was this some type of practical joke?

Missy looked up at him and glared. "That's not funny at all. Who asked you to do this? Was it Sabrina? How much did she pay you?" Ares just stared at her with a baffled look. "Who is Sabrina?"

Missy just picked up her books and walked out of her room to go to her class that was probably already over. She stopped when he grabbed her arm, but didn't turn around.

"I'm serious. I need you to do this for me." When Missy turned around she saw that even though his voice was expressionless, his eyes gave away all the hope his voice didn't have.

"Alright," she whispered so softly that at first she didn't think he heard her. She opened her mouth to repeat herself but stopped herself when a smile broke out on his face.

_He looks better when he is smiling_, Missy thought.

"Well first off, you need to get different clothes," she said.

"What is wrong with this?" Ares looked down at his armor.

"Just trust me, ok? People won't give you an easy time around here if you wear that. I have some extra money, so we can go buy some new stuff real quick before my next class." With that, Missy started down the hallway.

She stopped when he grabbed her wrist. "We don't have to, I'm a God remember? I can simply wish a pair of new close on me." He gave her a teasing look.

"Oh no, you can't do that now. You're a mortal now, and mortals can't just _wish_ clothes on them." With a final smirk, she turned around and started down the hall again. "You could at least tell me your name," said Ares.

She turned to look at him with the same smirk still on her face. "I'm Melissa, but you can call me Missy." Ares finally caught up with her and looked at her.

"Nice to meet you, Missy."

* * *

><p>They took Missy's whole lunch break just trying to find "suitable" clothes for Ares. He finally agreed on a black, long sleeved shirt with jeans and a pair of running shoes. Once they got back to campus, Missy dropped Ares off at the main office. "Ok, I'll leave you here to get registered while I go to my next class."<p>

"What do you mean by registered?" Ares was just plain confused about this mundane world. "You just have to go into there and ask the nice lady to register for school. How old are you? Wait, don't answer that. Just say that your birthday is… August 12, 1991. Then you would be twenty like me. After you're done, just got to my dorm and wait for me there. If you see my roommate, just ignore her, she is a little strange." With a final smile she left Ares just standing there with a blank expression on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After Missy was done with her classes for the day, she went straight back to her dorm. When she got there, she was greeted with the sight of Ares and her roommate, Deborah sitting in front of the T.V. completely engrossed in a game of MW2.

Deborah looked as she always looked when she was playing her games: a slightly distant look in her brown eyes, her headset falling toward the right side of her head all while biting her lip until it bleeds. She always scared Missy a little bit but the way Ares looked was completely frightening.

He sat bent over a little bit as if her was trying to get closer to the screen and his headset was resting on his shoulders as if they had fallen off. The thing that scared Missy thought was that he had a crazed look in his eye, as if playing that game was making him extremely happy and joyful.

Missy made a startled noise when he let out a loud howl of laughter just after he killed somebody. Seeming to finally have noticed her, Ares turned around and he seemed to go immediately back to his old self.

"Hello," he said to her with a glint of the happiness still in his eyes. "I was just playing this video game with your friend. It is quite fun."

"Yes, of course." Missy shook her head and walked over to her bed. She set down her books and plopped down on to her bed and closed her eyes with a sigh. She opened her eyes when she felt a poke on her shoulder.

"Where do I sleep?"

"You get the couch."

"Excuse me?"

"The couch. That's where you will sleep."

"But why can't I have a bed!" He was starting to whine like a child now and Missy was getting slightly annoyed. "When Deb isn't here then you can have her bed. She won't mind."

Ares looked down at her uneasily. "Are you sure?"

"Ask her yourself."

"I'll take your word for it." With that, he walked back over to the game and was lost in t once again. Missy took out her homework and worked on it until Deb announced that she was going out and warned Ares not to play her Xbox.

"Listen up, dude. No playin' any games while I'm out. Got it?" Ares didn't seem to like to be talked to that way but nodded his head anyway.

"See ya in the morning, Missy." With a final wave to Missy, she was gone. "Here are some of my brother's old jammies that you can wear." She handed him over a pair of large flannel bottoms and a white Under Armour shirt.

"Why do you have your brother's clothes?" She merely shrugged in return. "If you need to take a shower then just go down the hall to the right and you'll see a sign that say men's showers. Nobody should be in there this late." He nodded and left the room. After a while, Missy finally fell asleep and didn't notice Ares come back and watch her while she slept until she finally decided to go to sleep himself.

* * *

><p>The next day was Saturday and Missy didn't have any classes. Ares followed behind her with a big basket of her dirty clothes while listening intently on how to do laundry. "It's simple really, all you really have to do is make sure that you don't mix up the clothes or put too much soap in."<p>

Ares handed her the basket once they got to the washing machine in the basement. Ares was staring out the window until he heard something. He turned around and it turned out that Missy was singing to herself.

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog  
>Was a good friend of mine<br>I never understood a single word he said  
>But I helped him a-drink his wine<br>And he always had some mighty fine wine  
>Singin'...<p>

Joy to the world  
>All the boys and girls now<br>Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea  
>Joy to you and me."<p>

"You can carry a tune." Missy looked up at him confused. "What? Oh, thanks. For some reason I like to sing that song when I'm doing laundry." She finished a little while later and they made their way back up to her dorm.

"Can we please get new clothes for me? I don't like these ones anymore." Missy was really starting to get annoyed with his complaining. She thought a moment.

"I know! We need to get you a job!" Looking far too pleased with herself, she grabbed Ares' hand started to lead him down the hallway. "Do you have a job, Missy?"

"Oh, yes. I work at the Shack. It's just a little bar that we have on campus, but I can't let you work there."

"And why not?"

"Because a lot of guys pick fights there, and even though you're trying to be a normal human, I really doubt that you would control yourself."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"You can work with the janitor, Joe. He always pays kids a good amount of money if you help him work."

Ares was bewildered. How did it come to this? He came here to be a mortal not a janitor. With an exaggerated sigh, he agreed and they made their way to Joe's office.

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><p><strong>Song: Joy to the world- Three Dog Night<strong>

**R&R please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I had writer's block. :P**

**Chapter 5**

"Why must you hurt me in this way?" Ares asked Missy in a mock hurt tone. She just rolled her eyes at him. It's been almost a month since Ares met Missy and he was seriously regretting making this choice to act more like a mortal.

"I'm not hurting you in any way at all. I'm just making sure you don't get fired." The job with Joe didn't really work out. Ares was mopping the chemistry lab on his first day and he somehow managed to almost blow up the entire room and sear off one of his eye brow (which, to Missy dismay, grew back over night). After that he was threatened to be expelled and so that's how he got his job as a bus boy at The Shack (also to Missy's dismay).

The only thing he really seems to be in a good mood with is when he is in classes or when he is hanging around Missy. Most of the time. He was slowly growing to have feelings for her more and more. And since he is becoming to have the slightest feeling of….love?... he has been acting like a fool lately. Accidentally bumping into her to where all her books fall down (déjà vu), stumbling over his words when she dresses in something different than he is used to her wearing. Like once, she wore a skirt one day that rested a good 4 or 5 inches above the knee and he just couldn't grasp the idea of why she always wore pants if her legs seemed to go on for miles…..But he would never tell her that of course. She would obviously laugh or punch him in the face.

But the current situation he was in was one of the arguments when he kept thinking over and over to himself about why he loves this silly girl in the first place. "But why must I go to work today? Deborah is home to day and you know I never get to play-"

"I don't care if you never get to play your pathetic war games, Ares! This is the real world and you can't go off skipping work just to play video games!" she was practically shouting at him now. He didn't seem too happy about this though. "I don't care about the damn job! Please tell me why I need the bloody thing anyway?" Missy was practically fuming by this point. Usually Ares thought it was extremely amusing to watch her like this, but right now he was just as angry with her. She just grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the dorm. She yanked on his arm every time he tried to stop. She didn't notice the box of papers that was lying on the ground in front of her. "Missy watch out-" But Ares was interrupted yet again by Missy tripping over the box. Since he was so close to her due to her short arms, he tripped over her feet and was falling to the ground too.

Out of his natural instinct to protect her, he reached out and grabbed her by the waist and twisted so that she would fall on top of him, not vice versa. The impact of the fall was harder than either of them expected and when Ares hit the ground Missy came down on top of him and to her confusion and his embarrassment, their lips smashed together rather uncomfortably. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring wide eyed at each other, until Missy shot up with her face beet red and trying to help him up the best she could. He took her hand and pulled himself up, his face just as red as her's.

They stared at each other for a moment until Missy looked away, further embarrassed. Ares finally seemed to calm down and asked a question that made Missy want to explode from anger.

"Why the bloody hell did you do that?"

**This chapter wasn't as good as I hoped it would come out, but thanks for still reading! Constructive criticism is wanted and needed! Thanks!**

**R&R please! **


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